New Element Discovered: Governmentium

The discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However,
it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which
it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium
causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when
it w ould normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.